It was 8:29 am exactly one year ago.
My heart raced, my left leg was numb, my right side was not. Damn epidural. Why’d I sign up for this? Where the ‘F’ is the nurse?
Shae was there, holding my hand and talking about 2005. Wow, it was that long ago before I had done this… c’mon it’s engineered in us right?
Yes! Here she is. It’s uncomfortable; the pain, the numbness, the pressure. “Oh my! Yes ma’am you’re ready.” I look at Shae, “ready? Like right now?” Oh crap.
It is now 8:30.
A miracle happens.
Life begins at 8:31.
My chest is heavy, 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10…. ten toes. Ten white, wrinkled, wet, glorious toes. He’s screaming, actually wailing. I’m laughing. I look at Shae and our eyes meet. “He’s all you,” I say. I then realize that I’m crying and still laughing.
Happy Birthday baby boy.
Does it matter that I’ll always have a stomach that resembles a shar-pei when sitting in any chair? Or a bladder control that hazes the line between ‘coughing’ and actually dribbling a bit. Breasts that resemble deflated birthday balloons; very, very, tiny birthday balloons.
No, what matters is that I wouldn’t even hesitate about my vanity or bodily function to do it all again. I might skip out on the additional midnight pint of ben & jerry’s but the actual growth of a human being, I would not.
Trace this past year I have graduated from college while managing two businesses, raising two kids, and maintaining a household. I have broken and set national records in powerlifting. I have bandaged and healed brotherly/sisterly war wounds. Overcome a deep personal battle with myself. Protected and reprioritize my family from outside pernicious individuals. And grieved a pet death. But, none, and nothing will ever compare, to the little people that I have made out of love. There will never be a amount of money, or world record, or business venture that will hold a candle to you and your sister. The satisfaction of actually visualizing the most amazing miracle that I had a hand in creating is the most awe-some experience that I hope all can share. I love you little boy and remember that ‘no one can make you feel inferior without your consent’.
Here is to your first year. Thank you for helping my heart grow.
